I hate feeling that no matter what I do, I’m always falling behind. I hate feeling like no matter how hard I work, it’s never enough. Mostly, right now, I hate my school’s financial aid office.
Today, after finding out I got an A on a paper I thought was terrible and kicking ass at a final I didn’t know how to prepare for, I found out that my lovely institution of learning thought it would be a good idea to deny my appeal for work-study, which they recently took off of my financial aid package. This, after I was told again and again that almost no one is denied an appeal if you have a good reason. Apparently working the same job for two years and only needing one more semester’s worth of funds isn’t a good enough reason.
So tomorrow, I have to go in and tell my boss, on her second to last day of work, in the midst of all the craziness going on around her and the department, that the schedule I sent her last week of when I could work in the fall? Yeah, that’s not entirely accurate anymore.
I just hate that the school can take away this job that I’ve worked so hard at, that I really enjoy, that could potentially turn into a full time job for me this semester or after I graduate. It’s like none of that matters. All the work I do doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day, all anyone sees is a number that doesn’t qualify (even though that number is ENTIRELY misleading, but that’s an entirely other discussion).
My parents are telling me not to freak out, but I just hate that I have to go in and drop this obnoxious bomb on everyone, when they are already worried about who will be working in my department in the next few months. I also hate that I feel like I am issuing them an ultimatum, as I just applied for a full time position there that is very similar to what I do now.
By telling them I don’t have work study, it’s almost like saying to them, “Hey, hire me full time or I can’t work at all! Suckers!” I know this isn’t my fault and I’ve done everything I could, but I still feel crappy about it, and it’s pretty hard to change that.
My dad is calling tomorrow to try to reverse the decision, but I don’t know how much faith to put in that. My boss has also told me in the past that if I was ever denied work-study, they could do….something. I don’t know what, but again, I’m afraid to put too much faith in that.
Basically, this sucks. Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll have some uplifting news about how none of this matters anymore because they reversed the decision, but I’m not holding my breath. In fact, I may be looking for a new job. Blerg.